FANDOM


The Land of the Raisin Bun Saga is the third saga in Erandium, the saga takes place two years after The Capitalism Saga and follows the Order in it's quest for peace and justice. Now and forever.

Prelude

A New Empire

Feignbar was dead, his lifeless husk had plummeted into the ocean and those loyal to him had either surrendered arms or fled across the ocean to the barren wastes of Kalimdor.

Stormwind, now without an Emperor or a Council to act in the absence looked to the Order for guidance. It was eventually agreed that the only way to appoint a new Emperor was to play a lottery. The lucky winner of this lottery was the warrior Vario Wing.

The new Emperor, when giving his speech to a press conference, he was quoted to have said "YEAH! Who won the lottery? I DID!". In a follow up statement he added "Smell that air! Couldn't you just drink it like booze?". When reporters questioned the legitimacy of the lottery result, Emperor Vario ended the conference with "Fuck off! Win your own fucking lottery!".

A time of peace soon followed the rise of the new Emperor and the Order were able to return to Stormwind, establishing a presence within Artis Morticulo once more whilst using Hearthglen as a main headquarters.

In this time Artis Morticulo had expanded it's borders. With the downfall of Feignbar, the dwarves of Dun Morogh rejoined the Empire and it's lands now spread from Duskwood to the Wetlands leaving only the Somalian Pirates of Stranglethorn to the south and the ruins of Lordaeron to the north.

Pirates of the Carrybean

With peace once more restored to Artis Morticulo, the Order was in dormancy and it's members were free to pursue their own interests. A group consisting of Reah Gearsprocket, Hamporo Rocktineous, JJay Fizzlebang and Lazzero Shiftsix had chartered a vessel to sail from Stormwind to explore Kalimdor, the continent being vastly unexplored due to the savage nature of the beings that inhabited it and the harsh desert wastes that covered much of the landmass.

Unfortunately with a complete lack of experience between the three where sailing was involved, they were quickly blown off course and headed southward. As they entered the Somalian controlled waters of the Carrybean, they were soon spotted and a chase by the pirates of Boody Bay commenced. Led by the dreaded pirate Captain Don Hook and his weaselly deck hand Mr Smee Gins the armada pursued the Order's ship, forcing them further south.

After an intense firefight between the two sides, the HMS Thorgir Lirly took a direct hit to the mast from cannon fire. In a moment of luck, however, Reah Gearsprocket managed to hit Captain Don Hook with a pyroblast, incinerating the pirate instantaneously.

With their Captain destroyed, the armada of ships pulled back, the new Captain, Smee Gins appearing to order a full retreat as he stared from grimly from atop the crows nest of the ship. As the Order watched the ships disappear into the distance only Captain Smee Gins could be seen, silently judging his own pirates from above.

With their ship in ruins, the Order turned to the south, hoping to spot land, but as they looked, they realized why the pirates had retreated; a large fog loomed ahead of them covering the entirety of the ocean. Unable to change their course due to the damage to the ship's mast, they had no choice but to sail into the fog, unsure what their fates might be at the end of the ordeal.

The Land of the Raisin Bun

For three days and three nights, the ship sailed through the fog. Only the mana biscuits and water which Reah had conjured had kept the group alive so far, but her mana pool had now depleted and things had became desperate.

On the fourth morning, just as JJay had been smothered in goose lard in preparation for the Order's turn to cannibalism, the fog parted, and there it was; a strange and mysterious land extended out before them, into the distance. From the ship, the group could see settlements along the shoreline and they rejoiced, knowing they were saved.

With the ship beached, the group set out to reach the nearest settlement where they encountered what they would soon know to be the Pandaren.

The bears spoke in a strange, foreign language, but Reah was able to use her remaining power to imbue the group with the intellect of the arcane, allowing them to understand and speak with the natives and they soon learned that this mysterious race were known as the Pandaren, and that the Order had ship wrecked in the lands of the Lings.

The group were soon brought before the ruling family of the lands. The head of the family introduced himself as Fookem Ling along with his wife Wangmu Ling and that they had ruled the land as part of the Ling Dynasty for many years in peace. He managed to explain to the Order that they had shipwrecked on the "Land of the Raisin Bun" before he was quickly cut off by his wife who demanded he return to cooking.

After long negotiations with Mrs Ling, the Order were able to strike up a deal; a chain of portals conjured by Reah Gearsprocket, along with ambassadors representing each race from Artis Morticulo would be permitted to establish a residence in the Ling family palace, "The Shrine of the Eternal Wok". In exchange, the Ling family would be able to create a chain of their own; a chain of charming yet humble restaurants and takeaways across Artis Morticulo and it's lands. The arrangements were a success and the Ling Dynasty became an ally of the Empire in the distant south.

The Siege of Feignrimmar

Plane of the Apes

The Order had received a request to help the Ling Dynasty. Lazzero had rounded up the Order and they had gathered in Hearthglen where they immediately traveled via portal to the Land of the Raisin Bun.

They met with Missus Ling at the Shrine of the Eternal Wok and she quickly explained to them that her lazy husband had been throwing all the bin bags from the Shrine, down the Veiled Stairs instead of in the appropriate refuse area. As such, the waste had attracted a flock of creatures known as Hozen to the Valley of the Four Winds.

The Order successfully drove off the entirety of the Hozen army but in doing so, they managed to subdue and kidnap JJay Fizzlebang.

JJay awoke, his head pounding like the other week when he had won the Bullseye tournament at the Dog and Hammer in Stormwind and was given a free pint from the drip tray. As his vision began to settle, the blur in front of him began to resemble bars.

He soon realized he was suspended in a large, bamboo cage hanging from a tree. As he peered out from his makeshift prison he saw all around him, a vast settlement of Hozen, all preparing for battle.

A sound below him caught his attention, a gruff voice speaking in common. He peered through the cage floor and spotted a figure he had no expected to see. It was a large, brown skinned orc and he appeared to be speaking to what seemed to be the chief of these Hozen.

"I, am Galrosh Icecream, Warchief of the Board. I assume you are the good doctor?", the orc grunted. The Hozen stood up from it's throne and moved down towards the orc. "Indeed I am, Warchief Icecream. Doctor Sayus, it is a pleasure to meet you in person.", the Hozen bowed to the orc before turning his gaze to the Land of the Raisin Bun.

"The arrangement stands as was discussed, I assume?", Ooked the ape. "We provide your Board with our warriors to assist your own. You conquer this land of 'Artis Morticulo' and then, when you rule over it, bestow my people with absolute ruler ship over the Land of the Raisin Bun?"

Galrosh nodded. "That is correct Doctor Sayus, you need only serve Feignbar and you shall be rewarded. I shall return now, to Feigngrimmar, the stronghold of the Board and seat of my master, Feignbar across the sea to the north, in Kalimdor."

JJay had heard all he needed to, Feignbar was alive and planning to destroy the Empire once more. Not only that, he had raised a new army, one that might rival the Empire's own. The orcs had always been savages, but kept to themselves on Kalimdor's barren shoreline, if Feignbar were to raise them into Feignorcs, they might be unstoppable.

JJay had a sudden realization; the cage bars, he could walk straight through the gaps, the Hozen in their stupidity had not realized the Gnome was indeed small enough to wander through the cage with ease. Seizing the opportunity, he leapt from the cage, landing silently on the ground below. He was ready to make a quiet exit but there was one setback; Vazeelvegen. JJay had not realized his demon too, had been captured, and unlike himself was unable to squeeze through the cage bars.

Before JJay could move, the moronic demon exploded from his own cage with a bladestorm, returning to his master's side and alerting the entire camp to his presence.

A large Hozen guard immediately leapt to grab JJay with a yell;

"Help! The Gnome's about to escape!".

JJay, luckily had not bathed since the discovery of the Land of the Raisin Bun and was still covered in goose lard, allowing him to slide right through the Hozen's grip. He shouted right back;

"Get your paws off me, you dirty ape!"

The Hozen gasped, they had never seen a Gnome before, let alone heard the squeaky and high pitched voice. The Hozen warriors soon began shouting between one another in amazement of this discovery;

"He can talk! He can talk!"

"He can talk! He can talk!"

"He can talk! He can talk!"

JJay had had quite enough of this mockery, the Hozen were the filthy sub-species here and they could not match the might of the Gnomish race. He filled his lungs, leaping forth and crying out;

"I can siiiiiiiing!"

The camp went silent, every Hozen and even Galrosh Icecream stopped, unable to fathom what had made the Gnome suddenly sing out to them. The silence was broken suddenly by a female Hozen who leap to Doctor Sayus' side in fright of the strange, greasy Gnome shouting out to the good doctor;

"Ooh, help me, Doctor Sayus!"

Hearing their revered leader's name, the tribe began to chant to a rhythmic beat;

"Doctor Sayus! Doctor Sayus!"

"Doctor Sayus! Doctor Sayus!"

"Doctor Sayus! Doctor Sayus!"

"Oh, Doctor Sayus!"

JJay looked across the camp, the apes were more far gone than the locals at the Whistling Pig on Karaoke night thirty minutes after closing. He turned to the supposed Doctor Sayus, questioning the Hozen;

"What's wrong with them?"

The Hozen looked at the Gnome and ooked;

"They think you're crazy."

JJay quipped back;

"I want a second opinion."

The Doctor merely replied;

"You're also lazy."

The Hozen were broken off from their chant as Galrosh roared in anger "You fools, seize that Gnome!". JJay broken into a sprint, Vazeelvegen the degenerate had already ran off ahead of him, loyalty he had cleared learnt from his master.

Out running the Hozen thanks to the goose lard giving him that additional streamline form, JJay was able to run all the way back to the Shrine of the Eternal Wok on the other side of the Land of the Raisin Bun. As he returned, the Order greeted him, awaiting any news he might bring. JJay announced to them;

"I'll hate every ape I see,"

"From chimpan-a to chimpan-z,"

"No, they'll never make a Hozen out of me."

JJay was quickly coshed around the back of the skull by Hamporo and committed to Hearthglen's psychotic ward until he made sense again.

The Siege

JJay was eventually discharged from the ward and quickly explained to the Order the situation and what he had overheard whilst in the captivity of the Hozen. After being told to stop speaking in rhyming couplets JJay re-explained the situation and it was decided that the only way to stop Feignbar was to attack Feigngrimmar before Feigngrimmar could attack Artis Morticulo.

Amassing the entire naval fleet of the Empire, along with their own ships, the Order and the Empire attacked Feigngrimmar, besieging the stronghold from the bay.

With the Order acting as an elite strike team, ten specialist agents went into the depths of Feigngrimmar where they destroyed many of Galrosh's creations. However, as they entered the dark caves below Feigngrimmar, they realized the worst of things; Feignbar had indeed, as they had suspected began infusing the orcs with his own power. After a bloody battle with Malkorok, the 'first' Feignorc, the group struggled onward and after a particularly intensive battle with Thok, a large devilsaur, Aeonarr noted that she had done exceptionally good healing, Orwell Clemons and Dathoc Alwaysholy begrudgingly acknowledged.

At last, after all obstacles had been removed, the Order stood in front of the door to the final chamber. What would they find dwelling within? Hamporo and Lazzero heaved open the iron gates and there before them, on a large throne, sat Galrosh Icecream. He stood up from the throne and walked forth, congratulating them on getting so far, but they had only come to their deaths.

He motioned upwards and there, above them hung a large, throbbing sack. Feignbar. Or what was left of him. He cocooned himself as it were, reserving what little power he had left and now was their only chance to destroy him for good. The Order drew their weapons and a fierce battle began against Galrosh. He was strong, drawing in power from his dark master above and along with his Board reserves he was able to resist the might of the Order for what felt like the length of thirty battles.

Eventually, a mistake was made however, and Galrosh left himself open to a flurry of attacks from the Order. Frost magic, shadow magic, fire magic and holy magic struck at the orc, and before he was able to recover, swords, axes and maces followed up the magical barrage, knocking Galrosh to the ground.

This was it, Galrosh was defeated, and now Feignbar would fall. But it was all for nothing. A squeaky, Irish laugh echoed across the hall and a glow appeared to emit from Feignbar's cocoon. He had always had a backup plan. Suddenly, a dark rift appeared above the cocoon and it was quickly swallowed up and disappeared from sight, whilst Galrosh was swallowed up by another rift from the floor below.

Feignbar had been stopped, for now at least, and Galrosh and his Board had been completely dismantled.